朗阁首页 > 头条资讯 > 考前指南 > [托福培训]吴瑾:托福独立写作主体段段落结构解析

[托福培训]吴瑾:托福独立写作主体段段落结构解析

来源:朗阁教育 2016-10-28 编辑:朗阁小编 531人看过 10万人已领免费资料    雅思托福0元试学

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托福的独立写作中,主体段落的写作质量基本可以直接决定考生最后的分数,那么主体段将以怎样的结构展开,文章将以怎样的思路行进?以下朗阁老师就此做一点思考:

朗阁海外考试研究中心  吴瑾

托福的独立写作中,主体段落的写作质量基本可以直接决定考生最后的分数,那么主体段将以怎样的结构展开,文章将以怎样的思路行进?以下朗阁老师就此做一点思考:

 

我们都知道,独立写作中的主体段是以观点为单位的,每个观点的提出及其论述自成一段,纵然写作方法万万千,但在独立写作中,我们只需把握一个基本的写作原则:即段首提出观点(主题句topic sentence),随后解释观点(支持句supporting sentences),有时还会加一个句子来做个结尾(closing sentence)。

 

接下来笔者将以2016年3月13日的托福独立写作考题为例,为读者分析段落结构的具体展开及写作中需要注意的细节:

(2016.03.13) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

After completing high school, students should take at least one year off work or travel before they begin studying in university.

 

题目并不难懂,“高中生毕业之后是否应该先去工作或者旅行一年”,也即我们常说的gap year。在写作时不乏学生写出如下的段落开头:

E.g. 1Firstly, the all-round development of students has been the focus of today’s education, so it is not adequate for students to grasp only academic knowledge, and an opportunity to access to the whole world is necessary. (36 words)

其实考生的想法也比较好理解,他想说,“高中毕业之后旅游或工作一年能帮助学生学习到很多学校中没有的东西,而这些对于学生的全方面发展,甚至是将来立足于社会都是至关重要的。”可是这样的开头会给我们带来什么感觉呢?

,长,如果按照一个主体段100字左右的长度来看,以上的开头(36字)已经占去三分之一;第二,句子多,这一个句子中其实包含了三个短句,并且有一层因果关系;第三,试问读者,你能找到他的观点吗?很明显虽然已经洋洋洒洒36词,但是没有一个词直接回应到自己文章的立场之上。打个比方,两个人见面打招呼,一个人问对方:“你吃了吗?”而对方答:“我刚下班。”其实我们都知道他的潜台词应该是没吃,但是日常生活可以有这种潜台词,独立写作也可以吗?答案当然是不行。由以上例子,笔者将写主题句时的几个注意点总结如下:

 

1. 直接明确回应关键词,杜绝迂回的背景介绍

题目问什么,我们答什么,紧扣关键词可以让我们一直在题目范围内论述,反之读者可能不明白我们的意思,考生也很有可能在写作时偏离到了另一条道路上,所以上述句子中应该包括诸如“take one year off work or travel”这样的字眼,当然也不能忘记,讨论的对象是“high school graduates”。

 

2. 句子结构不要冗长,S+V.+O的结构是提出观点最简单明确的方式

段落开头的句话写作目标很简单,让考官懂你的点,因此不建议使用复杂结构,接下来还有很多词句可以解释观点,所以开篇简单、直接是更好的选择。

 

笔者对上例进行了一下调整:

E.g. 2 Firstly, agap year before university can help students know the world. (12 words)

这回紧扣关键词了吗?是的,“a gap year”;句子简单了吗?是的,主谓宾;明确提出观点了吗?是的,很明确。但是,好像还是哪里不太对?是的,确实不太对。因为:

 

1. 观点的提出不能太宽泛或太具体

上例中,笔者的观点是“帮助学生了解世界”,很明显,了解世界是一个非常大的话题,了解世界的哪个方面?经济的政治的文化的?很明显,一个小小的段落无法展开对于整个世界的了解,即使展开也将是很空泛的展开。类似地,如果将中心句写成:

E.g. 3 Firstly, a gap year allows students to stay away from home for a long time. (15 words)

也不行,因为“离家一年”是一个客观事实(fact), 无需展开无需论述,文章论述的重点,其实就是离家这一年的意义,所以这样的开头势必无法继续展开。

 

注意到了以上三个方面,考生基本就可以写出一个正确的中心句了,如:

Firstly, a gap year provides students with precious opportunities to think deeper about their future. (15 words)

 

写出了主题句后,接下来的内容即是将中心观点进行展开,托福考试不是创新考试,并不考察考生的观点和解释多么新颖独到,但是它考察的是考生能否言之有理,因此在独立写作5分文章的描述中我们会看到这样的描述(节选):

An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following:

n   Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplificationsand/or details

n   Displays unity, progression and coherence

 

因此在接下来解释的过程中,我们需要做的即是上文中标红的部分,简单说就是“有逻辑,有例子,有细节”。还是先看一个学生的范例:

Firstly, a gap year provides students with precious opportunities to think deeper about their future. (topic sentence)They have more free time to have a broad view of the society and know better about themselves by devoting themselves into work or having journeys. (explanation) As long as they experience various kinds of occupationsand meet people with different personalities, they will finally have more clear ideas about what they are hoping to be and what position is suitable for them in the society. (closing sentence) (80 words)

 

参看一下刚刚的评分描述,三句话基本都在尝试解释自己的观点,但很明显这个段落中缺乏了一个重要的部分:examples and details。笔者尝试将上述段落进行了一下修改,对比如下:

Firstly, a gap year provides students with precious opportunities to think deeper about their future. (topic sentence)It is obvious that they can try things they like and get access to knowledge that cannot be taught in a senior high school. Therefore, some of them may find the field they have a desire to devote themselves and choose it as a major in university. (explanation)Say, when engaging in the sales of a certain product, students may try their best to analyze the market and carry out different plans. If being encouraged by the moment when their goals are achieved, they may be interested in marketing and choose it as a major in later study.(example) Instead, some students may find out their potentials in other fields rather than study, and my cousin is definitely a good example. He found a job as an auto-repair man after graduation from high school, because he has shown great zeal towards automobiles. After working for a year, he has been the top repair man in his garage, and decided to make it as his career. (example) Deeper consideration makes a better decision, doesn’t it? (closing sentence)

 

我们可以从红字的部分看出以上段落的结构,提出论点,解释论点,通过假设论证其一,再加一个例子补充其二,最后反问收尾。如此,段落结构清晰,观点也得以充分论证。

 

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