本文朗阁老师将结合雅思写作真题，以学生习作当中的典型错误为例，为同学们梳理雅思写作，尤其是开头段写作当中词汇使用的基本原则和禁忌。
朗阁海外考试研究中心 王朋昕
雅思大作文的开篇是困扰很多考生的顽疾。*常见的问题就是无法找到恰当的词汇去复述题目信息。替换词的使用既体现着我们对考试题目的理解程度，又反映了我们的整体语言水平，是英文写作*重要的基本功。同学们往往把替换难的问题归因于词汇量不足，而这只是问题的一个方面。朗阁雅思培训提醒大家：写作词汇除了需要量的积累，更重要的是质的*，即对词汇的准确含义、使用的具体场景和固定搭配的熟悉。
很多同学把词汇的质量理解为词汇的难度，即生僻程度。的确，雅思官方评分标准中强调了uncommon和less common词汇的重要性。能够恰当地使用一些非常用词汇固然是语言能力的体现。然而，不少同学对一些常见词的含义尚不能精准把握，更不能够正确地使用那些非常用词。很多考生仅能通过中文释义去机械地套用词汇，写出来的文章必定是地地道道*范，只能让读者一头雾水，不知所云。本文朗阁将结合雅思写作真题，以学生习作当中的典型错误为例，为同学们梳理雅思写作，尤其是开头段写作当中词汇使用的基本原则和禁忌。
问题一：原搬照抄
有些同学不能用自己的词汇去解释题目的观点，简单地复制题干词汇，导致复述不足而扣分。
Writing Topic 1:
Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
题干理解：
有些人建议国家自力更生养活本国人民，进口食品越少越好。是否同意？
学生习作：
The question of whether a state should attempt to produce all food for the people with as little importing food as possible has been the focus of current topic. Although the development of agriculture should be encouraged and supported, we could not overlook the importance of the import from other countries. I will discuss the topic focusing on the factors related to the finance, polity and the individuals.
评论：
该生在开头段并没有对题干当中的核心词（produce all the food, little importing food）进行有效替换，导致重复表达。《剑桥雅思》系列中的*评语针对这类问题有过多次强调，属于扣分点。其次，本文出现多处不恰当的词汇使用，降低了表达的准确性。如：import的名词含义是进口商品，而我们是在讨论进口的重要性还是进口粮食的重要性？还有focusing可以修饰topic吗？polity（政体）与individuals（个人）可以并列吗？
修改过后：
The question of whether a state should solely rely on its own food industry while allowing as little imported food as possible has been the focus of current discussion. Although the agricultural development should be encouraged and supported, we should not overlook the importance of the international food trade, which is related to a county’s finance, politics and the people.
再评论：
老师*留了原文的基本框架，仅从词汇上做了些调整。注意动词的替换：solely rely on its own food industry（仅仅依靠自己的食品产业）不就是produce all the food的意思吗？agricultural development属于生产食品的上位概念，它包含了本国的食品生产，所以可以用作替换词。is related to属于逻辑性很强的动词结构，通过调整为定语从句，使表达更有针对性，强调国际食品贸易（importing food）对于一个国家的重要性。
问题二：望文生义
有些同学仅根据词汇的中文释义找出中文中对应的近义词再翻译成英文。这样的词汇替换只能使自己的表达与原文相去甚远。
Writing Topic 2:
In universities and schools, female students are encouraged to learn some subjects of arts. However, male students are encouraged to study science and technology. Why does this happen? How will this trend develop in the future?
题干理解：
大中*都鼓励女生学文，男生学理。为什么这样？未来如何发展？
学生习作：
Recently, the question which subject should be chosen by the students in different genders has been frequently brought to spotlight. Some people think girls should to learn social science and boys always be good at science and technology. I will discuss the situation focus on the areas between their physical and job employment.
评论：
学科的替换词有disciplines, courses, majors等等。而subject指的是某个具体科目，不能泛指学文或者学理。gender只有两个，习惯上写成between two genders。brought to spotlight是不规范的英文表达，尽管广泛用于各种写作模板。be good at表示客观上擅长做某事，而题目中are encouraged to更体现人们的主观观念，鼓励提倡做某事，因此这一替换也是不准确的。between … and表示两者之间，而不是并列的关系。physical属于评分细节中所述的词形错误(errors of word formation), 这里不能单独使用形容词。
修改过后：
The question about the preference of majors, either perceived or actual, between two genders has been in the spotlight. Some people think girls should attend courses of arts while boys are supposed to learn science and technology. I think the situation is related to the differences between the male and female in their physical traits and social roles.
再评论：
在尊重原文的基础上，老师用preference（偏好）来总结题干当中的争议核心，即男女生学什么科目的问题。通过后置定语either perceived or actual来表示这种所谓的偏科可能真实存在，也可能只是人们的臆断。末尾的physical traits（生理特征），social roles（社会角色）都是同学们讨论两性平等（或不平等）时经常采用的表达。可见，在词汇使用上，高端大气只是一方面；更重要的是做到严谨、恰当、准确。
问题三：似是而非
还有一些同学在学习、使用英文词汇时不注意区分不同词汇在含义上的细微差别，笼统地归为同义词进行混用。虽然有些词汇在使用中存在交集，但并不意味着在任何场合都可以无条件替换。
Writing Topic 3:
Developments in technology are causing many environmental problems. Some people think that people should choose a simpler way of life. Others think that we should use technology to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (2015.05.09)
题干理解：
科技进步造成了环境问题。有人认为应该简单生活（少用科技），而其他人认为应该用科技来解决环境问题。讨论双方观点，给出自己的意见。
学生习作：
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerning about growing environmental issues resulted from the application of modern technology. However, whether we should continue to utilize the technology has caused a heated debate. My view is that to exploit new technology has its weakness but its importance should not be denied.
评论：
concern作为动词表示关心、关注使用时往往以被动式出现，即be concerned with/about。issue是一个中性的词，可以是好事也可以是坏事。用在这里不能清晰表达problem的负面含义。有些同学可能会用dilemma来替换problem, 殊不知前者指的是进退两难的境地，并不能与environmental搭配。作者用application, utilize等词简单地替换了use（使用），但是无法突出过度使用科技所带来的后果。Weakness的含义过于笼统，并不能清楚交代科技所带来的问题具体是什么。deny
