[SAT培训]*SAT写作得分要领

　　SAT的作文主体段主要是以举例论证为主。因此，首先我们必须选择2-3个适合主题的例子，并且每个大类的例子只能举一个，不能重复举例。比如，假如你说了一个爱因斯坦的例子以后，就不能再用居里夫人作为例子了。接下来，你就必须很详细地描述这个例子为什么能够支持你的论点。在此过程中，你就需要在例子的细节、句式使用的合理性和准确性、词汇使用的精准性以及逻辑关系等方面入手。下面我就以上篇中我们提到的二个题目来具体分析如何将一个4分的主体段改写到6分：

　　Directions: Consider carefully the following statement and the assignment below it.

　　Cleanliness and order are not matters of instinct; they are matters of education, and like most great things, you must cultivate a taste for them.

　　--Benjamin Disraeli

　　Assignment: What is your view of the idea that cleanliness and order require education and cultivation? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example (or examples) from literature, science and technology, the arts, current events, or your own experience or observation.

　　这个题目的4分范文的主体段是这样来写的：

　　Many abilities are the result of genes, like being good at music. Is there exists a "clean gene"? Maybe families with clean and orderly homes got that gene, and pass it on to their children. We may think that it is the parents that make kids room''s clean. We may think it''s parents nagging:"go clean your room or you''re grounded." But some people may really and truly have a gene that helps them clean and organize. Others are born sloppy.

　　If education were the main thing, a family like mine couldn''t exist. Everyone in my family was trained to be neat and clean. My sister and I turned out pretty much orderly and neat but my younger brother''s room always looks like a tornadoe hit it. Now my sister and I have brown eyes and my brother''s eyes are blue. Maybe he didn''t get the "clean gene," just like he didn''t get brown eyes.

　　看完以后，我们发现，其实这二段作者已经比较充分地完成了例证的任务，在语言组织上尽管有一些拼写错误，但是我们可以看到他对于想要选择合适语法及句式所做的努力和尝试。然而，文章中出现了比较多的“陈词滥调”或者说在SAT语法考试中我们要极力避免的文法错误。如“really”和“truly”、“more and more”等。此外，所使用词汇比较普通，并未出现任何亮点词汇；一些表达存在严重意思错误，如“is there exists a clean gene?”；再有就是句型结构缺乏多样性。上述种种问题导致了主体段的得分不会很高。所以接下来，笔者就针对这些方面的弱点进行逐一修改，增加了一些描写的同时删去了错误部分，就有了以下的文章：

　　Today we are discovering that many abilities, like talent at math or musical skills, are partially the result of genetic programming. We''ve only begun to explore what genes may or may not be responsible for in a person''s development. Who knows if there isn''t a "clean gene"? Maybe families with clean and orderly homes inherited that gene, and pass it on to their children. We may think that it is the training that makes for a kid''s clean room. We may think its parents nagging:"go clean your room or you''re grounded." But it''s quite possible that some people have an innate ability to clean and organize. Others may simply have the "sloppy" gene.

　　If education were the main thing responsible for cleanliness and order, a family like mine couldn''t exist. Everyone in my family was raised to be neat and clean. My sister and I turned out pretty much orderly and neat; however, my younger brothers’ room always looks like a tornado hit it. Now my sister and I have brown eyes and my brother''s eyes are blue. It may be that he didn''t get the "clean gene." just as he didn''t get brown eyes.

　　在修改了这些地方以后，我们可以看到同样是这二个段落，语言的竞争力一下子变得异常突出，所有的陈词滥调都被去除。尤其值得一提的是句型丰富度上做了很大幅度的改动，我们不难从上面的黑体加斜体部分可以读出，我分别加入了宾语从句，主语从句，it作形式主语引导的名词性从句，情态动词等。在*大程度上既*留了作者的原意，又盘活了语言。总的来说，我在以下几方面对于原文做出了修改：

　　1. 增加了例子的深度

　　2. 使得原先的句型变得更加多样，并且加入了准确的结构

　　3. 使用了精确的SAT词汇，去除了重复和冗长的表达

　　4. 使用了多变的语法组合

　　5. 增加了语言的生动性

　　接着我们再来对第二个题目的主体段做如上的修改：

　　Directions: Consider carefully the following statement and the assignment below it.

　　Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

　　--Scott Adams

　　Assignment: What is your view of the idea that mistakes are necessary for creativity? Support your position by discussing an example (or examples) from literature, science and technology, the arts, current events, or your own experience or observation.

　　这个题目的4分范文的主体段是这样来写的：

　　Beethoven''s originality was due to egregious study and work, and was not based on random mistakes. Beethoven worked constantly on his work, changing it over and over again until he was satisfied. Beethoven first made a name for himself as a pianist rather than as a composer. His dramatic improvisations and virtuoso technique made an impression in society, but not before he had carefully studied Haydn, Mozart, C.P.E. Bach and Clementi. The early work was original and highly creative, but it was based on work and practice, not trial and error, even when it was spontaneous.

　　In the Eroica, Symphony #3, Beethoven introduced many creative elements that were not understood by audiences at first. These artistic creations, although called mistakes by some, were not random. In this middle period more than ever, he would work constantly on a musical idea, writing it over and over again before he called it finished. Till the end of his life, he worked this way, burdened by his deafness and many other problems.

　　我们之所以给这篇文章4分，首先是因为个主体段缺少了一个对于段落的概括句，作者直接从例子入手开始描述。这样的表述似乎和段*后的主题句缺少呼应，让读者的思路有点跟不上他的节奏。因此我们只需稍微在他的原句上略做修改，意思一下子就变得鲜明了很多。此外，我们还加入了对于例子的深度描写，黑体第二部分就很好地在原有例子基础上增加了其表述的深度。

　　Beethoven worked constantly on his compositions, changing them relentlessly until he was satisfied. Beethoven first made a name for himself as a pianist rather than as a composer. His dramatic improvisations and virtuoso technique made a powerful impression in society. These performances seemed freewheeling, and were spur of the moment with many original themes, but Beethoven did not come to these performances unprepared. Before becoming known as a master improviser, Beethoven carefully studied Haydn, Mozart, C.P.E. Bach and Clementi. The early work was original and highly creative, but it was based on practice and planning, not trial and error, even when it was spontaneous.

　　第三段的词汇使用比较差，所以我们在此基础上又对词汇做出了大幅的改动，使其更符合SAT的词汇要求。

　　In the Eroica, Symphony #3, Beethoven introduced many creative elements that were not understood by audiences at first. These artistic creations, called mistakes by some, were not random. In this middle period, he would work constantly on a musical idea, transforming it hundreds of times before he called it finished. Till the end of his life, he worked this way. Even though he was burdened by his deafness and many other problems, Beethoven continued composing, alway